Sharing the Same Room (Thump Thump), Written in 2007

Sharing the Same Room
Thumping
Hammering
As loud as ever
radiating its beat across the room.
This heart of mine will never slow its pace
my blushing becomes apparent in your eyes
your sudden smile rocks me
I’m left completely disarmed
I’m not complaining
but this heart…
I must calm it
but no
not while you remain in this room
every inch of me screams to move
to move closer to you
to kiss you
touch you
to brush against you
anything at all
I’m sick of the screaming, really I am
quiet, behave
but only because I told myself I would
and there you sit
charming as ever
the sudden curl
movement of your lips
a smile
throws my heart into a dead sprint.
yes
beating faster and faster still
thump, thump, thump,
beating out of my chest
lurching towards you
and there you sit
smile growing
blooming, if you will
warring with myself
sorting through the feelings
feelings I should not harbor at this point in time
yet there you are, and there they are.. those feelings
thump thump thump
the drum that is my heart
I could scream
not at you
but at myself
and my crazey heart
out of control
maintain control,
All the while
my lips have curled upwards
a smile of my own
how could I not?
your smile, it’s a beautiful thing
you, are a beautiful thing
something I want for my own
movement
It was a foot
was my foot
one step closer
five more and I tower over you
how awkward
but still you sit
perfectly still
you are patient
something I’ve never had when it came to you
a statuette you are
and a lovely one at that
unbearable
the distance is unbearable
five steps are unbearable
we don’t know what real distance is
three steps come all too quickly
a lapse in my control
two away
and you’re standing
breath escapes me
and again I forget how to inhale

The Written Word, Written 6/13/2011

The Written Word


I adore the raw written word
even the illegible and absurd,
saving what will go unheard.

A tangible promise written on paper
a chorus of words to be kept for later
or scribbles to be stashed away
and retrieved on yet another day,
I love them in every way.

Words work to release what’s inside
make known our thoughts, and relieve the mind.

Writing allows me to be unique
and free the sentences I’ll never speak
for fear of feeling small and weak,
instead they’re here for your critique.

To Say the Least, Written 6/10/2011

To Say the Least


You're desirable in the oddest way
perhaps it's all the words you refuse to say
or how I could spend forever and a day
letting our conversations stray
float far away where off the mountains they relay
and come back to play.
Lets do hope they stay.
My thoughts and actions you do disarray
while very little attention I may pay
whilst you're standing in my way
assuring me all shall be okay
and with that, my trust in you I lay.

Ocean Side, Written 6/8/2011

Ocean Side

Oceans will turn again in my eyes
as they flit from the water back to star speckled skies
eagerly anticipating a long awaited sunrise
that I’ll soon see reflected through your eyes, so alive.
The most beautiful thing my mind can surmise,
the sun breaches the surface here on ocean side
and pushes towards us the oncoming tide
while all the stars have stashed away to hide.

Much later in the day
the sun will set on the bay,
but by the ocean I’ll stay
as long as our hands do not fray and fall away,
to my dismay.

Out Loud, Written 6/6/2011

Out Loud


Screaming malicious rantings worth wishing down a well.
Every enzyme come alive in every living cell.
Succulent shrieking steer me clear
cultivate my cravings, drop a bass worth busting an ear.
Create a rift worth the while of my rivalries,
crowd fighting feverish for the frequent casualties
all the while relinquishing the subtleties
to produce the shakes, later resulting in multiple earthquakes.
Quickly, accelerate the beat’s pace
and give me a name for this familiar face.

Rather Than, Written 6/3/2011

Rather Than

I would rather feel physical pain,
than what goes on within my brain.
I would rather the entire world collapse,
than to witness your heart again relapse.
I would rather have no ideas at all,
than these festering monsters that begin so small.
I would rather offer up my sight,
than see your wings refuse their flight.
I would rather send you on your way,
if it prolonged your happiness for one more day.

Permanently Absent, Written 6/3/2011

Permanently Absent



I’m stuck a million miles away inside my head
trying to create a world worth living in
with not even that audacity to desert my bed
and face disappointment once again
and even if life were hanging by a thread
sadly enough I’d reside within my head
creating romance from the novels I’ve read
swimming somewhere with water easier to tread
inside the ocean that is my head.

Come Back, Written 6/2/2011

Come Back

I encourage you to see,
open up your eyes, and look at me
escape your insecurity and fall free,
back to me.
I understand I’ve earned your silence
and well remember the past,
how I thew up impossible walls
and refused to let us last.
Tossed our love to the wind
and it blew painfully far away,
around the world and back again
maybe this time it could stay?

Solitary, Written 6/1/2011

Solitary

Content catastrophe
hoping for happiness as only me
not a part of two or three
cherish my singularity.
Seeking strength as only one
no matter how greatly I come undone,
when they come to chase
I’ll run..
and skip along the sidewalk
just for fun.
Bask in the me that is unique
leaving others free to critique,
think what you will
without conviction,
for just like mine,
your life is fiction.

Airport, Written 6/1/2011

Airport

People trying to get from here to there
so many people
I can’t help but stare,
people more concerned with air fare.
Some come alone
but mostly in pairs.
As I find my terminal
and a few empty chairs,
mentally now, I must prepare.
To take flight,
touch away from the ground
up into a world where clouds surround,
as the engine starts, my heart pounds
but up in the sky peace will be found
and miles away from here
I will again touch down.

Summer, Written 5/31/2011

Summer


soliciting an escape
somewhere within the deep south
where sweat sprouting humidity
threatens to drown me out
oppressing ever present heat
cause me to hallucinate
make my heart strain to beat
sticky hot sun sink through my skin
heating my very center
so that the stress will wear thin
let sweet release relinquish me here
saving me 
from my now feather-light fears
summer fills my wings with flight
cuts loose my ankle anchors
and sweeps away the clouds for sight

Social Networking: Waste, Written, 5/29/2011

Social Networking: Waste



Media manipulates
maneuvers our minds
gives us the "hates"
of all varying kinds.
Works up our nerves
for the higher purpose it serves,
a slow silent domination
through this hard-wired creation.
Can't escape
extricate
or deflate,
not in society's
current state.
Needing constant contact,
craving attention,
sharing all
we think to mention,
baring all in pictures
and press,
furthering a tangled mess.
There are other ways to express
and this is just another
human test.

Rejection, Written 5/24/2011

Rejection


Weird how rejection
drops you down,
reels you in
drags you under.
In the middle of your almighty storm
it steals your thunder.
Crashes a caffeine rush,
makes your face burn and flush.
Rejection rocks you to the core
leaving an ego regretfully sore.

Some steal relief in reluctance
while others let it fuel re-fire,
as for me it leaves little room
for anything other than imagined desire.
I'll escape within my dreams
where reality splits at the seams
giving me whatever I need
no matter the means.

Liar, Written 5/11/2011

Liar


Pretend you'll care for me,
we both know you wont,
trying not to believe your lies
before you speak, please don't.
Your words worked magic
enough to draw me in,
and now you feel so far away
lord only knows where you've been.
What you've done,
all in good fun,
of course I am at fault
through your lies you lent honesty
that I wouldn't take with a grain of salt.
Why let worry lines etch my face
when you told me this would be the case..
To waste my time with one-sided love
you've shown your true colors
when push came to shove.

A New York Early Morning, Written 5/10/2011

A New York Early Morning


A six thirty A.M. train ride
from the west side
clears my mind
pushing thoughts aside
from what I did last night.
All the thoughts in the world
couldn't make it right,
now seeing everything in hindsight
with the early morning light.

Early morning make me free,
as i search for serenity
in these streets.
The city sets it's boundaries
 holding no love for me,
I'd sooner prefer the sea
sink into the sallow green.

Here, Written April 28, 2011

Here


My conscious keeps me here
holds me responsible
promotes healthy fear.
Reminds me to respect
take all in retrospect
causes me to reflect
gives me dreams to collect
my secrets it protects
other's hearts it infects.

My conscious keeps me here
holds me responsible
keeps my head clear
body to soul it adheres
while it changes through my years
controls the ringing in my ears
holding back unruly tears
yes my conscious keeps me here.

All in My Head, Written 3/7/2011

All in My Head


My mental capacity contorts,
contracts and sends me spinning.
Slight shivers up my spine
surrounded and enclosed,
empty space imposed,
touch to be touched.
As I stray,
flying out, and falling away.
Feelings on fire,
feed it for warmth.
As my strength will expire
it's all in my head.

Philosophy Class, Written 3/13/2011

Philosophy Class


Educated guessing
thoughts abstract
while supressing.

Literal education
makes for a rocky foundation.

Pressing paths within supposed reason
they'll never wash away,
and once our thoughts wander out
it seems they're there to stay.

Fighting intuition
to indulge in our selfish ambition.

Exoteric,
Esoteric,
Hidden.

Of the Sort, Written 3/13/2011

Of the Sort


Finding our roots,
remembering how we came to be,
remembering you for the first time
same as you saw me.

Such saturation in the heart,
finding no reason to ever part.

Heightened sensitivity to our surroundings
searching for each other's eyes,
knowing in that one small moment
where truth really lies.

Love long lasting,
or the craze cut short
our hearts crave feelings of the sort.

When I Sleep, Written 4/5/2011

When I sleep I escape my being,
and roam around with the company
of my never ending subconscious.

My Fleeting Freedom, Written 4/4/2011

My fleeting  freedom
skips freight trains at night
indulging in earth, air,
and all captured in sight,
scooping up sunsets
to place in the cone of conscious,
drinking in desire in attempt to extinguish
the most exquisite never-ending thirst.
Without cage and chain,
or master with his cane,
freedom finds an easier way,
enjoyment evolving
after each endless day.
Limitless life fights wars against restriction,
and when they meet on the battlefield
they erupt in contradiction.
With one or the other failing to exist
not much time after
the other would also be missed.

Chamelleon Catepillar, Written 3/22/2011

Chamelleon Catepillar


In mind I'm morphing,
shape-shifting forever after,
shedding my skin
into some other self.
Coy, quiet, chamelleon.
In effort to elude all others,
so they wont eat me alive;
perfect defense mechanism in the making.
My future selves are all unkown
all differing in the slightest degree.
Doubting that any one person
truly knows me.

Uneasy Man, Written 2/10/2011

That night
you were despised,
that night
you deceived all eyes,
unbelievable and inadequate
it all must have been,
to see such weakness
from the strongest of men,
to watch you fall, then turn violent
and deny it all.

I understand
I really do,
not to cross boundaries...
but I see you.

Flailing, failing,
drowning and dreading dark,
the time for you to concentrate
on your lonely heart,
hopeless and horror stricken,
as you assess your own condition.

Lash out and latch on
to whomever you can,
but this contradiction
will leave you no hand.

Center of the Earth, Written 2/26/2011

Center of the Earth


For those of you who tease satire,
you'd better off fixate with fire.
Far less worth while to wager war,
or injure a wound already sore.
To be left with friends far and few,
whom all of which tempt fire too.
Burning bridges and befriending foe,
pushing extremities as you go.
Sinking beneath Earth's bejeweled crown,
temperatures ascending as you founder down.
Roaming low where the embers bellow,
life illuminates in an elegant glow.
Finding home in the only place you've come to know.

Hiding, Written, 2/20/2011

Hiding


Sinking sultry and unmoving
easing into elegant ambiance
amber brilliance burning wryly
wreathing withered what have we knots
teeming tightly timbers bowing
breathing seemingly semi-sleep
dreaming feeding each appealing
kneeling in an ending
fight the feelings
from further descending

Know Me, Written January 7,2011

Know Me


Apparently,
I'm plain as day,
easily figured out
in no special way.
No need
to dig very deep,
to get to the answers
you seek,
claim you know me.

Jot me down,
defined and done,
slap the book shut
and on to the next one.
Placed upon a shelf
to collect the dust,
only opened
as an absolute must.
Sitting silent so easily,
claim you know me.

Where I am,
and from where I came,
what I stand for,
origin of my name.
The beauty I see,
where my thoughts fall,
you know nothing yet.
Nothing at all.

Dark, Written Jan 24th 2011

Dark


A not so quiet contrast
singling out eternity,
all except itself
softly consuming me,
persuading precious color
to drop down, detach from life,
leaving landscapes stark,
a harsh black and white,
cropped out and uncontrolled
edges beaten and blurred,
consider myself practically sold
to a life that's now detoured,
running rampant without reason
aimlessly amongst the dark,
shivering silent in this cold season
every impression leaves it's mark.

Change, Written, Jan 24, 2011

Changed


You've had my heart now,
for quite some time,
it's not been kept in the best of shape,
but that's a petty crime,
these things happen,
over years of exchange,
we must expect here and there,
some sort of change.
And hills, the hills
and their indefinite range.
The ups and downs
all those years were a ride,
that we rode around,
and around,
flying up
and falling down.
A few pieces missing,
a crack here, or there,
oh but love don't worry,
those things, my heart can bear.
The small, and not so small,
wear and tear.

Fading in, Written, Jan 20, 2011

Fading in


Sweet blasphemy barricades
each bridge burning down
tongue twisted ties lost
see how tightly my gears are wound
unsure of where I'll be
when I finally come to
and all I can really hope
is that the first thing I see
is you.

There, it's coming
this is it,
can't you see my stature
crumbling to bits
I hope when I wake it's you,
the one and only thing I see
when I do finally come to
being who I'm meant to be.

Well Remembered, Written, Jan 18th 2011

Well Remembered


I love a memory of a memory,
a photograph.
Taken when I wasn't even there,
capturing  a you
that to this day lives.
Lives a life untouched,
not tarnished nor tattered,
changed through circumstance,
replaced through recognition,
or eluded through lies.
Quietly, I've kept pieces of you
preserved at a point where we
knew no flaws in one another,
had not yet hurt each other,
valuing the small sliver of luck
that we ever met at all.
We've lost track of ourselves
to love and lust
and the never-ending mistrust.
But I'll remember what we knew
when we thought we knew it all.
While even standing at such great heights
we thought we'd never fall.

Stick Stack Stuck, Written 1/18/2011

Stick Stack Stuck


Seemingly sticky
something from which I can't quite detach
drawn in deep and drowning
a trap door without a latch.

Mistakes made in sync
a facade of fraudulent feeling
forced frontward to fight honesty
while these wounds refuse the healing.

Preloaded promises
warped, wary one-sided conversations
eating eternity alive
while making the correct eliminations.

Foreseeable future without much to defend
all the makings of a morbid end.

The Ruin-er, Written, 1/2/2011

The Ruin-er


Pick me up
and prop me to one side,
anything to ease
all of your troubled minds.
Predictable yet irreplaceable
I don't understand such attraction,
not to me.

You've met a million of me,
a few times each passing day
so please do not flatter me,
by speaking of me this way.
You have loved, and loss
and will lose at least once more,
and there is always someone
to pick you up,
off that rock bottom floor.
Just please,
don't count on me.

I cannot walk on water,
spit shooting stars,
or expel every apprehension,
sure of course I will do my best
to ease any and all tension
to finally put you to rest,
however a cure-all does not confide
in me...
just as so many before you
have come to see.