It's Mine
A future to hold in the palm of my hand,
In my palm alone.
Unfortunately for me
This is something I've never known.
Never quite free,
To stumble into uncertainty.
A life I control,
Manipulated by me.
Not a genie to others
Being what they want me to be.
Wishes all around,
But none are my own.
This life for me has never been mine alone.
They are wanting what is best,
And it's what I should want
I guess.
But this aching
Itching
In my chest
Constantly reminds me
My heart will not rest.
The hardest
Most difficult
Is around the bend.
And even though I love them
My life is not theirs
To end.
My poems/writings reflect my feelings and anything that inspires me to write the piece. Sharing them on a widescale is a dream of mine, so this is the first step. Enjoy!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
The Sea as She, Written August 2, 2010
The Sea as She
The sea will breathe me in,
And she will breathe me out.
Over the past four years
I've had my share of doubt.
She is uncertain,
As is the sea.
When one wonders what lies beneath.
Treading water in her waves
Bur no further than your toes
May you gaze.
What mystery would there be
If she allowed the clarity to see.
the bottoms of her depths
Each wave inhaled as a breath.
I would dive into her sea
Knowing I am unable to breathe.
Trust the depths to crush me,
Until I no longer be.
Now a part of her.
Sinking in the sea.
The sea will breathe me in,
And she will breathe me out.
Over the past four years
I've had my share of doubt.
She is uncertain,
As is the sea.
When one wonders what lies beneath.
Treading water in her waves
Bur no further than your toes
May you gaze.
What mystery would there be
If she allowed the clarity to see.
the bottoms of her depths
Each wave inhaled as a breath.
I would dive into her sea
Knowing I am unable to breathe.
Trust the depths to crush me,
Until I no longer be.
Now a part of her.
Sinking in the sea.
Where He Walks, Written August 2, 2010
Where He Walks
A relaxed and serene ocean view,
Luminescent moon on water
And a path of glass for me to walk.
To think of me,
Almost as majestic as he
Who walks on water.
However uncomparable we may be,
I understand why he walks the sea.
A moonlit path of glass.
A relaxed and serene ocean view,
Luminescent moon on water
And a path of glass for me to walk.
To think of me,
Almost as majestic as he
Who walks on water.
However uncomparable we may be,
I understand why he walks the sea.
A moonlit path of glass.
It's Price, Written May 18, 2010
It's Price
The delicacy of beauty,
Confronts me when I least expect
However, I stay true to my duty,
Always learning to accept.
The ugliness that looms,
Draping over our eyes,
Pouring down in monsoons
From the disheveled gray skies.
The beauty itself so easily caved,
As if knowing what was to come
meant it couldn't be saved.
This inevitable fate
Has cost all hope for this place,
Waltzing around in a zombie like state
Every person I pass is without a face.
No judgement or envy without eyes to see
If this were the case,
All beauty'd be free.
The delicacy of beauty,
Confronts me when I least expect
However, I stay true to my duty,
Always learning to accept.
The ugliness that looms,
Draping over our eyes,
Pouring down in monsoons
From the disheveled gray skies.
The beauty itself so easily caved,
As if knowing what was to come
meant it couldn't be saved.
This inevitable fate
Has cost all hope for this place,
Waltzing around in a zombie like state
Every person I pass is without a face.
No judgement or envy without eyes to see
If this were the case,
All beauty'd be free.
You Aren't Listening, Written April 26, 2010
You Aren't Listening
Hidden as always,
Keep yourself closed off,
At a safe viewing distance,
Barricaded in
Blocked off from all else;
Or just me.
The one you don't want to see
The one you can't see
Or choose not to.
Whichever.
What if,
You take me for what I am
And take what I am trying to show you,
Trying to give you.
Refuse me.
Like you have, and will.
Even if i was within reach
Would you accept me..
Catch me as I'm falling..
You wouldn't before.
You think you know what I need.
What it takes to get me by.
So keep on taking it away from me
Claim that you've nothing more to offer.
You may take things for what they are
As I act foolishly
In the only way I know how.
But I will continue to wear my heart on my sleeve
For all to see,
Especially you.
I wear it for you.
I cannot make you feel
As you have shown me countless times.
You're impossible to reach,
Perched upon your mature feelings.
Your need to handle this with control.
I am reckless
I am immature
And I will flounder on the ground
Until you open up and feel.
Lose yourself in what we have.
I will not pester you
Drown you in my wishes,
What I wish could be,
What I know could be.
If I could travel through time,
Travel through space,
I hope you know where I'd be.
I know you do.
Watch me destroy everyone else for you.
I know I will.
Regardless of my intentions.
Hidden as always,
Keep yourself closed off,
At a safe viewing distance,
Barricaded in
Blocked off from all else;
Or just me.
The one you don't want to see
The one you can't see
Or choose not to.
Whichever.
What if,
You take me for what I am
And take what I am trying to show you,
Trying to give you.
Refuse me.
Like you have, and will.
Even if i was within reach
Would you accept me..
Catch me as I'm falling..
You wouldn't before.
You think you know what I need.
What it takes to get me by.
So keep on taking it away from me
Claim that you've nothing more to offer.
You may take things for what they are
As I act foolishly
In the only way I know how.
But I will continue to wear my heart on my sleeve
For all to see,
Especially you.
I wear it for you.
I cannot make you feel
As you have shown me countless times.
You're impossible to reach,
Perched upon your mature feelings.
Your need to handle this with control.
I am reckless
I am immature
And I will flounder on the ground
Until you open up and feel.
Lose yourself in what we have.
I will not pester you
Drown you in my wishes,
What I wish could be,
What I know could be.
If I could travel through time,
Travel through space,
I hope you know where I'd be.
I know you do.
Watch me destroy everyone else for you.
I know I will.
Regardless of my intentions.
My Mask, Written April 12, 2010
My Mask
The sound,
It triggers my release.
An escape to only where I know myself.
A stranger to all else.
A mansion housing only me,
Overlooking an aggressive sea,
But there is only me.
Feeling depth,
In each dying breath.
Keeping still,
Savoring the last of my tranquil,
Time that has elapsed in space.
the world is gaining,
At an alarming pace.
Soon to be swallowed,
In a world we all know,
A life emptied and hollowed,
Where little will grow.
To keep me here is all I ask.
To blind a hideous world,
With my mask.
The sound,
It triggers my release.
An escape to only where I know myself.
A stranger to all else.
A mansion housing only me,
Overlooking an aggressive sea,
But there is only me.
Feeling depth,
In each dying breath.
Keeping still,
Savoring the last of my tranquil,
Time that has elapsed in space.
the world is gaining,
At an alarming pace.
Soon to be swallowed,
In a world we all know,
A life emptied and hollowed,
Where little will grow.
To keep me here is all I ask.
To blind a hideous world,
With my mask.
Without You, Written March 14, 2010
Without You
Mangled in my own confusion,
Never seeming to sort things out.
Only a repressed regret
Featherless and cast out.
Kept forever at a distance,
The time only trudges by.
Locking my limbs in a frozen state
I've not even the strength to cry.
Powerless and beaten down,
Beneath a blush toned sky.
I refuse to give you up
Even my heart you will deny.
Mangled in my own confusion,
Never seeming to sort things out.
Only a repressed regret
Featherless and cast out.
Kept forever at a distance,
The time only trudges by.
Locking my limbs in a frozen state
I've not even the strength to cry.
Powerless and beaten down,
Beneath a blush toned sky.
I refuse to give you up
Even my heart you will deny.
Sinking, Written March 10, 2010
Sinking
Washing me out
From day to day.
Hands blindly reaching up,
Hoping to find your face.
The current strengthens
Threatening control.
You've brought this chaos,
For what reason I'll never know.
Flooding my life,
Changing all that you touch.
But I'll never cast you out
It would hurt all too much.
These troubled waters,
Drowning this life at hand,
Descending the crushing depths,
To settle in the sand.
Washing me out
From day to day.
Hands blindly reaching up,
Hoping to find your face.
The current strengthens
Threatening control.
You've brought this chaos,
For what reason I'll never know.
Flooding my life,
Changing all that you touch.
But I'll never cast you out
It would hurt all too much.
These troubled waters,
Drowning this life at hand,
Descending the crushing depths,
To settle in the sand.
Stain, Written March 8, 2010
Stain
The blood red stain,
Of my lips.
Still caresses your face,
Trails along your collar,
Marking my claim.
You'll wear my heart
Along your sleeve,
My scent in your hair.
An impression,
Burned into memory,
There is nothing I have left
Untouched.
I have stained your heart,
Traced your outline,
Marked your life,
And I'll go nowhere.
Never to leave your side
In this failing world.
You are what I hold dear.
The blood red stain,
Of my lips.
Still caresses your face,
Trails along your collar,
Marking my claim.
You'll wear my heart
Along your sleeve,
My scent in your hair.
An impression,
Burned into memory,
There is nothing I have left
Untouched.
I have stained your heart,
Traced your outline,
Marked your life,
And I'll go nowhere.
Never to leave your side
In this failing world.
You are what I hold dear.
A Fork, Written November 13, 2009
A Fork
Center myself,
Trying to find some sort of order,
Some clarity in this murky,
Somewhat scary situation,
Finding myself here,
Does not surprise me,
It is within my nature,
As I have clearly displayed throughout the past,
And once again,
I find myself unsure,
Uncertainty plagues me,
Plays tricks and teases,
Turned around and lost,
A new fork in my ever-winding road appears,
The ordinary and the undefined,
Tensed to sprint headlong,
But in which direction?
I'm tearing at the seem,
I never knew I owned,
Hearts will splinter,
And some will pound,
the new found path keeps my attention,
And I am so tempted.
Center myself,
Trying to find some sort of order,
Some clarity in this murky,
Somewhat scary situation,
Finding myself here,
Does not surprise me,
It is within my nature,
As I have clearly displayed throughout the past,
And once again,
I find myself unsure,
Uncertainty plagues me,
Plays tricks and teases,
Turned around and lost,
A new fork in my ever-winding road appears,
The ordinary and the undefined,
Tensed to sprint headlong,
But in which direction?
I'm tearing at the seem,
I never knew I owned,
Hearts will splinter,
And some will pound,
the new found path keeps my attention,
And I am so tempted.
My Imagination, Written November 13, 2009
My Imagination
My thoughts wrap securely around you,
Your presence triggers a persistent sense of stability in myself,
Centered and still,
You've created a concrete base,
A safe house of my own,
Saving me from everything,
But most importantly myself,
Throughout the day,
In clouded far away thoughts,
I am with you,
In my own sense of time,
In my own place,
A place that exists only to me,
Only I know it's expression,
To describe it,
Is to disloyal it,
However, you are there,
The only thing any outsider will ever lay eyes upon.
I admit this begrudgingly,
For I wish you were all my own,
As is this place,
Tucked safely away in the folds of my imagination,
Also,
Hindering my self conscious,
Is the sheer fact that this is imagined and only imagined,
I am without you and retreating from my world,
Becomes more difficult with each passing hour.
My thoughts wrap securely around you,
Your presence triggers a persistent sense of stability in myself,
Centered and still,
You've created a concrete base,
A safe house of my own,
Saving me from everything,
But most importantly myself,
Throughout the day,
In clouded far away thoughts,
I am with you,
In my own sense of time,
In my own place,
A place that exists only to me,
Only I know it's expression,
To describe it,
Is to disloyal it,
However, you are there,
The only thing any outsider will ever lay eyes upon.
I admit this begrudgingly,
For I wish you were all my own,
As is this place,
Tucked safely away in the folds of my imagination,
Also,
Hindering my self conscious,
Is the sheer fact that this is imagined and only imagined,
I am without you and retreating from my world,
Becomes more difficult with each passing hour.
My Mouth
My Mouth
I've no right to claim you,
....I crave you none the less,
Nor should I need you,
Realistically, I need no one,
Pointless, to think of you as I do,
These thoughts accompanied by confusion without definition,
However, I carry on,
Clearly a dead end awaiting me,
My head in comparison to my heart,
Two polar opposites,
Lost between one point and the other,
My mouth in the middle,
At a loss for words,
Influenced by both,
Fighting to keep my composure.
I've no right to claim you,
....I crave you none the less,
Nor should I need you,
Realistically, I need no one,
Pointless, to think of you as I do,
These thoughts accompanied by confusion without definition,
However, I carry on,
Clearly a dead end awaiting me,
My head in comparison to my heart,
Two polar opposites,
Lost between one point and the other,
My mouth in the middle,
At a loss for words,
Influenced by both,
Fighting to keep my composure.
Your Eyes, Written October 7, 2009
Your Eyes
Shallow breathing,
A thrumming heart,
My life you're thieving,
Was yours from the start,
Clock upon the wall,
Hands twitching,
The motion is small,
My palms are itching,
Quickened thoughts,
Panic stricken,
Blurred ink blots,
the lines, they thicken,
Smeared and streaked,
Across my face,
My emotions have leaked,
Forever out of place,
This faceless crowd,
They'll do nothing for me,
Screaming out loud,
It's your eyes that I see.
Shallow breathing,
A thrumming heart,
My life you're thieving,
Was yours from the start,
Clock upon the wall,
Hands twitching,
The motion is small,
My palms are itching,
Quickened thoughts,
Panic stricken,
Blurred ink blots,
the lines, they thicken,
Smeared and streaked,
Across my face,
My emotions have leaked,
Forever out of place,
This faceless crowd,
They'll do nothing for me,
Screaming out loud,
It's your eyes that I see.
Vocal, Written August 28, 2009
Vocal
Tickling my throat
Expanding my lungs
Focusing straight through
About to burst
Spill my guts
Spill my heart
You'll hear me out
When I scream
Scream at the top of my lungs
Tickling my throat
Expanding my lungs
Focusing straight through
About to burst
Spill my guts
Spill my heart
You'll hear me out
When I scream
Scream at the top of my lungs
At The Edges, Written August 28, 2009
At The Edges
Fringe my edges
Slip under my skin
You're unbearable
An itch I cannot scratch
Go away
I wish for nothing more than your disappearance
Become absent
I beg of you now
Leave me here
Vacate my mind
You are unwanted, unwelcome
Fringe my edges
Slip under my skin
You're unbearable
An itch I cannot scratch
Go away
I wish for nothing more than your disappearance
Become absent
I beg of you now
Leave me here
Vacate my mind
You are unwanted, unwelcome
Rhythm, Written August 27, 2009
Rhythm
This pattern,
A decadent dance,
We fall in step,
A natural rhythm,
Let it consume us,
And we are lost,
Lost to all else,
But one another.
A beautiful oblivion,
We combine,
Making this permanent,
Something safe,
And secure.
Fasten your arms around me,
And dance,
Keep close,
And closer still.
We will never sever,
For we are joined together.
This pattern,
A decadent dance,
We fall in step,
A natural rhythm,
Let it consume us,
And we are lost,
Lost to all else,
But one another.
A beautiful oblivion,
We combine,
Making this permanent,
Something safe,
And secure.
Fasten your arms around me,
And dance,
Keep close,
And closer still.
We will never sever,
For we are joined together.
Without a Seam, Written August 27, 2009
Without a Seam
My heart races,
Your fleeting smile,
Unsteady steps,
Irrevocable words,
We are together,
In body,
And mind.
My pulse quickens,
Your side-splitting eyes,
Render my useless,
Keep me captive,
We are one.
Attempt to split us,
We are without a seam.
My heart races,
Your fleeting smile,
Unsteady steps,
Irrevocable words,
We are together,
In body,
And mind.
My pulse quickens,
Your side-splitting eyes,
Render my useless,
Keep me captive,
We are one.
Attempt to split us,
We are without a seam.
Standing, written August 21, 2009
Standing?
Do we stand?
I do not know where we stand
I do not know where I stand
I know where we once were
But where are we now?
Where do we stand?
If we are even standing at all
I know we fell.
Fell out.
So can we stand again?
Am I up or down?
How do, or should I feel?
How does one get back up
After falling that is...
And if we still stand
Are we standing still?
Not making any progress.
Or are we moving forward?
And if so
Together or separately?
I'm just trying to find my footing
The floor seems to be
Out from underneath me anymore..
And where are you?
Still standing?
Alone?
Or with someone else?
And if so,
Who?
And how do I come to terms with that?
I know I can stand on my own
And up for myself
But am I standing anymore?
I know,
Eventually,
I'll have to get back up.
So when I do
Will you help me?
Do we stand?
I do not know where we stand
I do not know where I stand
I know where we once were
But where are we now?
Where do we stand?
If we are even standing at all
I know we fell.
Fell out.
So can we stand again?
Am I up or down?
How do, or should I feel?
How does one get back up
After falling that is...
And if we still stand
Are we standing still?
Not making any progress.
Or are we moving forward?
And if so
Together or separately?
I'm just trying to find my footing
The floor seems to be
Out from underneath me anymore..
And where are you?
Still standing?
Alone?
Or with someone else?
And if so,
Who?
And how do I come to terms with that?
I know I can stand on my own
And up for myself
But am I standing anymore?
I know,
Eventually,
I'll have to get back up.
So when I do
Will you help me?
This written August 4th, 2009
This
The force of you
unyielding.
I break the surface
of this pressure,
Building
behind my ears,
In my veins.
my sputtering heart,
Thou shall not rest,
or ever think clearly again
For that matter.
I'm blinded,
Surrounded,
sucked in,
And tied tight.
I am but mass.
Pass around me
an unmovable object.
You cannot affect me.
The force of you
unyielding.
I break the surface
of this pressure,
Building
behind my ears,
In my veins.
my sputtering heart,
Thou shall not rest,
or ever think clearly again
For that matter.
I'm blinded,
Surrounded,
sucked in,
And tied tight.
I am but mass.
Pass around me
an unmovable object.
You cannot affect me.
For My First
So I started this blog soley to display my poems that I write. I may throw in a personal experience or two, however, mostly my written work will be posted here! I'm going to start off by putting in some work I've previously written dating back to my high school years... Don't judge. Most of these are written based on my thoughts and feelings at the time. I suppose I'll post them seperately? I'm not sure yet. Here we go!
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